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Cape Town, Western Cape, South Africa
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Monday, February 4, 2008

Why is it so hard to listen?

When God speaks it seems not many people hear Him anymore. I am astounded at the fact that even I don't listen as I used to before. People around us are in need all the time and yet we don't seem to hear or see them in any way. It is easy to ignore people and circumstances that are a thousand miles away. How is it though that it is so easy to ignore our neighbours when they are in need.

Today I learned that while I was having a lovely weekend, my neighbour below me, Andre had died in his couch sometime early in the weekend already. I was blissfully unaware of anything that had transpired. It turns out the Andre had cancer.

I had noticed him becoming thinner and thinner and every time I saw him I meant to ask him how it was going with him and whether I could be of any assistance. However I never got around to it and even though I had that nagging feeling tugging at me all the time I managed to suppress it and forget about it. How is it possible that after having had the religious upbringing that I have had, that I have no compassion left for my fellow human being? I feel terrible about the fact that Andre has left this world a lonely person and that I have done nothing to console him or make his life better in any way.

I keep wondering what my purpose is in life and I seem to be getting no answers. Or maybe this is an answer of sorts. Maybe I am placed here to help out my neighbours. Maybe just maybe my calling is to be more neighbourly.

I fell terrible that I did not heed the nagging feeling at my consience that I could help in a small way maybe. I could have been there for him in his last hour and maybe seen that he did not have to leave this world alone. No, in my selfish routine I have missed this opportunity to maybe have done some good for someone.

I guess I am not alone in this world when it comes to wondering what my our purpose is in this lifetime. Even though it is brief I feel that it must have some meaning and I wish I knew what it was that I was called to do.

Some people have a calling in life. They know beyond a shadow of a doubt what it is that they are meant to be doing on this planet. I don't. I try and fathom it out.

I am getting older by the day and not wiser. I seem to be making mistakes but not learning from them. When does one become wiser. Age does not seem to be doing it for me. The experiences I have had in life should have changed my way of thinking and maybe shown me the way but even that seems to be failing me. What is it then that will make me change my ways?

I really need to know what it is I am supposed to be doing on this planet. I also need to know in no uncertain terms as I seem to have become deaf and blunt to God's whispering. How am I supposed to know what it is I am meant to be doing????